Total Eclipse of the Wallet

eclipse glasses

Because I’m a taurus and plan ahead, I purchased eclipse viewing glasses months ago for cheap on amazon. We are taking a long weekend trip to view the total eclipse next week. I paid $15 for a set of 3. They resemble plastic framed sunglasses of questionable quality. I’ll plunk a picture above. But who cares what they look like? I will only have them on my face for three minutes, tops.

Fast forward to yesterday when amazon emailed me. It had come to their attention that my eclipse sunglasses purchase was not ISO certified – whatever the hell that means. I was instructed to not place those specs on my face for fear of death, dismemberment, and certain blindness. Amazon refunded my money but did not require me to return the item. Customer service is important.

I figured that kinda sucks but I’ll survive. I have amazon prime and could just order a new set that is ISO certified, right? Wrong! All eclipse glasses online are now sold out across the board. And the only ones available for sale are cheapie paper, disposable frames – like old school 3D movie glasses.

eclipse glasses

For these throwaway paper frames vendors are charging upwards of $109. It’s highway robbery! Isn’t this sort of obvious scarcity speculation a crime? And don’t be fooled about the safety recall. I’d wager the manufacturers of the paper “wanna get hosed?” frames went through, complained to amazon about all the competitors, and had them taken down. The set I purchased is no longer listed online. These criminals are mistaken if they think I am paying $100 for a piece of paper that I only need for three minutes. My non-ISO certified viewing frames will be on my head during the eclipse. Maybe I should step outside today and stare at the sun to test them? #BRB

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